IF IT'S NOT FACEBOOK, IT'S NOT OFFICIAL
by: Lindsay Demchuk
Tongue-in-cheek, my friends and I have bounced that phrase back and forth as we learn of new developments, specifically within the context of relationships. As we learn of new changes, it never fails to be mentioned that if we don’t see it on the popular networking site, it can’t actually have happened yet in real life. Facebook has become the ultimate tool for communicating as much or as little information to many people at once. And, typically, it tends to air a little more on the as much side of the continuum. And for those keen enough, spending enough time to scrutinize, are able to pick up even more tidbits of yet-to-be-disclosed information by looking at the comments made on an individual’s page, even before the individual has opted to disclose news of the mentioned events first.
As friends became engaged, I loved being able to scroll through a note, reading each and every specific detail of surprise, deceit and personal, meaningful thought that was littered throughout the engagement as well as viewing photos of the setting, the overwhelmingly large smiles and sparkling eyes with her left hand carefully placed in view of the camera at just the right angle to set off the glimmering diamond (or diamonds). Often I would eagerly send messages to friends, noting my desire to see, read and know all the details.
That is, until I was engaged. At that point, it all changed.
Our proposal was intensely personal and thoughtful and entirely sweet, full of laughter and excited anticipation of all that is to come. We held off on putting anything onto Facebook, opting to first tell close friends and family but slowly the word began to leak out, through public wall messages that increased in number as our news began to spread. The urgency to change our relationship status to engaged to led us to wait only one day before publicizing it on Facebook. We tried to work as quickly as possible to spread the news on our own to our loved ones, racing against the immediacy of this social networking website because this was our news to tell. Not that which should be determined by those who write those messages, making the choice to put it on Facebook for us. In the midst of all this, something hit me.
Amongst all the messages were the requisite requests for more information for how the engagement happened. Oddly enough, the most demanding requests for all details surrounding the proposal to be immediately posted were some from a couple girls who I haven’t even seen since my awkward middle school years and, even then, didn’t have a friendship with them. Their insistency caused me to recoil. Why should I cater to their requests? Who are they to command that I inform them of these details?
At that point, I made up my mind. There would be no photos of us or the ring. Wedding details will not be aired in daily status updates (unlike another person I know of who summons those who happen upon her status to help her make decisions between this or that flower, asking for transportation suggestions among a myriad of other wedding-related things). The extent of what I posted was a note, thanking everyone for their well wishes and indicating that there will be no further details. There something sacred about this experience that gets bastardized by sharing every detail over Facebook.
That being said, there are those who choose to share everything. If you are one of them, I don’t intend to insult or cause offense. Regardless of what medium with which you care to share exciting experiences or the latest news, details will be omitted or shifted in the way it is told each time for a variety of reasons. In that sense, the moment will never be entirely captured within a story. However, that being said, there is no obligation to gush forth with every detail in order to appease your friend’s girlfriend’s second cousin’s mother who you met briefly during a family reunion and who you agreed to add because of the torrid stories and entertaining photos that make for excellent lurking.
Life is more – much, much more – than what is posted on social networking websites. Every person has a right to determine that which they want to share and that which they want to keep sacred – to keep the personal private, away from the harsh glare of the light shed on matters when everyone is able to sneak a peek. It’s about time there was a little more of that in a world where everybody’s dirty business seems to be aired for all to know.
--
unlock magazine
