OVERWHELMED BY LIFE
by: Amy Manuel, Counsellor
Q: How do I handle feeling overwhelmed by life? I am always letting my feelings get the best of me.
A; Dear Overwhelmed,
Firstly, know it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed at times, life can be hard and it is totally ok to feel down by life’s stressor. It is how long and how much we allow those stressors to control our lives that matters. My first question would be to ask what is going on in your life for you to be feeling overwhelmed, has something changed recently or is it the lack of change that makes things overwhelming? If something has changed it is good to be processing that change and to figure out where to go from here. Having ‘feelings’ is a great thing and I would never suggest you lose that; however, if you feel you can’t control your feelings and that they are ‘getting the best of you’ I would ask you to see what you are telling yourself about these feelings/emotions. Usually when emotions are becoming ‘to much’ or ‘overwhelming’ there is something we are telling ourselves about what is happening. For example: Say you lost your job and grieving that loss is normal, but there comes a point when we have to go out and look for a new job. Some people find it hard to keep going because they could be telling themselves something like, I will never find another job, or I won’t be good at any other job. These statements are all negative and when we have a lot of negative ‘self-talk’ that keeps up in the ‘down’ feelings/emotions.
That is just one example of how someone could be letting their feelings get the best of them. It is wise to notice what you are telling yourself about life. Are your overwhelming feelings stemming from something that you are telling yourself, if so, we can do something to change that. Something that you can do to help with negative thoughts is to challenge those thoughts. When we are ‘thinking’ something so often that can lead us to taking that thought and turning it into a belief. Beliefs are things that are ingrained in our minds and our values, so that’s why it is important to catch our negative thoughts and to challenge them before they turn into an ingrained belief. Please don’t be scared if you noticed yourself struggling with a belief, because we can challenge those as well.
A good exercise we can do is to write out our belief/thought and to go through the below list of questions to help you recognize if this belief/thought is something that is an accurate example of what is going on in your life or if it is something that is no longer the case? Please note that all these questions will not fit your experience but you can choose the right questions for your situation.
1. What is the evidence for and against this idea?
2. Are you confusing a habit with a fear?
3. Are your interpretations of the situation too far removed from reality to be accurate?
4. Are you thinking all-or-none terms?
5. Are you using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated? (ie: always, forever, never, need, should, can’t, and every time)
6. Are you taking selected examples out of context?
7. Are you making excuses?
8. Is the source of information reliable?
9. Are you thinking in terms of certainties instead of probabilities?
10. Are you confusing a low probability with a high probability?
11. Are your judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
12. Are you focusing on irrelevant factors?
Ref: Resick, P. (2001) Cognitive processing therapy: Gereive Version Center for Trauma Recovery. University of Missouri-St. Louis.
When we notice that we are getting overwhelmed with ‘life’ I believe it is important to take a step back and to really examine what is going on for us to be making us feel that way. Some times it is the way we are thinking that makes matters worse, and other times we are truly going through a horrible experience. If you are going through a ‘hard-time’ please try and stay positive and to add more positive statements to your every day language. The more positive statements we say to ourselves the more hope we give ourselves. Also, if you have been saying a lot of negative statements to yourself for a long time it can take a little while for you to overcome those negative statements, but practice makes more success is this area. In addition, try and tell yourself that whatever it is you are going through, it will change at some point. Life is a changing process and we don’t stay ‘stuck’ in bad situations forever.
Whatever your life situation is, I hope you can feel encouraged and know that it is ok to feel overwhelmed at times, that’s our bodies way of telling us to either slow down, take a breather, or to just step back and to keep your thoughts positive.
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